


Empty Bottles

by Amanda_M_J



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Marriage, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23886460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amanda_M_J/pseuds/Amanda_M_J
Summary: Years together, and Caroline has to make a choice. After building a foundation grounded in a love of alcohol, how can her marriage to Klaus weather when she decides to get sober?
Relationships: Caroline Forbes/Klaus Mikaelson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Empty Bottles

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Empty Bottles by Stacy Clark and had this thought of a drunken Klaus signing outside the door to Caroline. Which made me think of the movie "Smashed" that I saw once a million years ago. And it evolved into my loose adaptation of those things. This was only going to be a quick 8 page one shot that grew into what it is currently. I'm not thrilled with the writing but I adore the heart of the story. I hope you also enjoy it.

2018

_“Hello, my name is John. And I’m an alcoholic.”_

Caroline mumbled along with the rest of the group, a large gulp of coffee slipping down her throat. It was charred and bitter, but hot enough to make it bearable. The heat rattled and kicked on overhead next to the harsh fluorescent lights of the gym as John spoke of his battle with alcoholism. She hadn’t spent much times in high school gyms since her cheerleading days years prior, and it was a harsh truth to swallow that this is the road that lead her back.

It had only been ten years since she beamed with pride accepting her high school diploma, waving the accomplishment to her mother in the audience. Sheriff Forbes had waved and blown her a kiss from her seat towards the front.

_“I knew I had hit rock bottom….”_

Everyone had the “bottom” moment. Next to her, Linda, the middle age soccer mom it was falling asleep dropping her kids off at school. Across the circle, Max had lost everything after his fourth DUI. The matriarch of the group, Iris was severe with dark eyes and a solid demeanor that never wavered. She only spoke once a month; on chip ceremonies where one months were celebrated and six months were guarded and one year were revered. And while Caroline tried to pick small tidbits out from everyone, to find some kind of common thread that made them the same, it was Iris’s rock bottom who she related most to.

_“The truth is, there is no rock bottom. We are alcoholics. This is a deep abyss we’re just trying to find the light in.”_

X-x-X

Caroline winced as she gingerly slipped her shoes off one by one bracing her hand on the entry wall. The apartment was dark and she tried to make as little noise as possible as she shrugged off her jacket, her back slumping against the front door in exhaustion. A small light was still on in the kitchen above the stove, the microwave ticking over to another minute past midnight.

Her shift at the bar had been particularly exhausting; they were in the midst of playoff season and the tables never dwindled even as the hours marched on. Her mother disapproved of her employment in a bar citing the argument of it being a constant temptation that would wreck the painful recovery she had been working so hard towards. Caroline found it easy to disregard the need to for alcohol when she focused on the mindless and tedious tasks that serving offered her.

Pulling open the fridge, she scrunched up her nose at the meager contents inside. Her roommate lived a nomad and transient life in the same regard as she, so simple staples never seemed to be present. Their lives consisted of take out and leftovers, a routine that worked out more often than not. The fridge closed with a soft rattle as a deep sigh left her. Just as well- she smelt of grease and beer and her stomach didn’t seem open to food anyway.

“Left you a plate in the microwave.”

Caroline jumped, as her roommate shuffled into the kitchen, turning on the timer for the microwave. She had grown up with Stefan Salvatore, had a small and disastrous stint as his high school girlfriend and had lost track of him after graduation. He had only folded back into her friend circle during the last year of college when he had transferred to be closer to his then girlfriend. He was a mast for her to hold onto during a raging storm, and she never took that for granted.

He leaned against the opposite counter folding his arms across his chest. “And before you try to get out of it, you’re gonna eat it all. You’re not eating enough as it is. Recovery isn’t just about not indulging. It just focusing and maintaining what you’re indulging.”

“I went to a meeting this morning, so don’t worry.” The timer beeped, and she pulled out the plate of food placing it on the counter in front of her.

“Good.” His simple acknowledgement was enough praise for her and she chewed in silence. “I’m gonna grab a meeting after work tomorrow.”

Stefan had fit easily into their group, quickly chumming it up with her boyfriend of a several years and gaining an effortless rapport with her best friend. The four of them had been practically inseparable from the start. The summer before their senior year they had bonded over games of beer pong and quarters and corn hole on the shores of the local swimming hole. The buzz and excitement of the world being at their feet only fueled their drunken excursions.

College had been messy. It had started out promising and focused and by the time her senior year had rolled around, her nights had been filled with back to back Greek row parties. Her once stellar GPA had sank dangerously low and she had been placed on academic probation mid-way through semester one. She had barely graduated by the skin of her teeth.

Stefan’s rock bottom had been the accidental overdose of his older brother. It had hit him especially hard and he had spent months secluded and removed from everyone. They had never had the best of relationships, and Stefan didn’t know where to place the grief or the regret that they never would. It had only been a few years, but Stefan’s recovery to sobriety was a long and fervent battle that he still fought with.

“Have you talked to Klaus lately?”

Caroline twisted the simple platinum band around her finger.

“No.”

x-X-x

2008

“Let me guess, vodka cranberry?”

Caroline flushed as the smooth velvet of his voice skimmed over the base of her neck. There was something dangerous and indulgent about his silky British accent that she had been pushing away from weeks. While they grew up in the same town and went to the same high school, they never mixed circles. Then, once partnered in their Psych 101 class it had cumulated through frat parties and dorm floor soirées. Their banter was biting and playful, a sinful foreplay that was making her anxious to eventually succumb to.

She had known Klaus Mikaelson most of her life. His family had moved into their town sometime during her fourth-grade year. In middle school he got in trouble for pulling fire alarms and skipping school. By the time high school rolled around, he was known for throwing parties while his parents were away and making his way through the girls’ volleyball team. He exuded confidence and charm and demanded his presence be acknowledge in one form or another.

Spinning around, pressing her chest against his shirt and skimming her nose with his she took a calculated sip, a daring stare penetrating. “Just how predictable and boring do you find me, Klaus?”

“Not at all,” he quipped, his deft fingers smoothing across the flesh between her skirt and her top (red because she knew he enjoyed the color on her). “Tell you what. I’ll wager you I can guess what you’re drinking.”

“How many guesses?”

Her palm slipped across his jaw and up his neck to his ear.

“Three.”

He arranged his knee in between her thighs as he fisted the bottom of the top that he was going to enjoy ripping from her body later (even if he did relish the red very much).

“What are the terms?”

His curls were much softer against her skin than she bargained for. It was utterly distracting. As was the distinct smell of bourbon she could practically savor from his breath.

He ignored her question, gentle pushing spin against the wall behind her, caging her in. “Tequila.”

“Predictable.” She deadpanned, rolling her eyes. “I’m disappointed in your lack of creativity, Klaus. The artist in you should be ashamed.”

“Hold your tongue, love.” He teased capturing his chin in his free hand. “Or allow me to do it for you.”

Quirking an eyebrow as a dare, she took another deliberate sip. A gasp fell from her lips as his knee nudged the damp part of her panties in an angle that she was sure would eventually cause her to spill over the edge. Breath hitched, “Your next guess?”

He studied her face, his fisted hand unfurling to trek up her ribs, a slow savoring of each space in between. Her lips parting in a soft ‘o’ as they finally explored the curve of her breast. “Too pretty for beer.” He murmured as his other hand ghosted over the curve of her skirt until he found the flesh of her thigh. “Something fruity; maybe with rum?”

Cheering and music resonated around them as ground further onto his knee in response. His hand moved higher up her thigh. “If only your guess were as sharp as your wit.”

“My wit isn’t the only thing sharp about me, sweetheart.” His tongue darted under the arc of her ear and Caroline had to bite back the moan that threatened to escape.

A warning and playful tug of his curls. “Final guess.”

“I can’t think of a better way to enjoy the rest of my bourbon than tasting it from your tongue, love.”

x-X-x

2009

“Wow.”

Caroline took hold of Klaus’ outstretched hand, her mouth dropping open, her eyes locked ahead of her. His smile was impish as he helped her balance down the narrow rocky path. She took careful steps to the waters edge, toeing off her shoes and allowing them to submerge in the clear water. Years growing up in Mystic Falls, and she had never known this existed.

“Do you like it?” he whispered in her ear, his arms snaking around her waist.

Even at the tail end of summer, the mist from the falls were causing goosebumps along her skin.

“Do you want to take a dip?” he asked, his hands already pushing the bottom of her top up her torso. Her head fell softly against his chest and it was only then Caroline knew the goosebumps were just a by product of the heat building up inside her.

“How did you find this place?” she pivoted her body in his arms, kissing him once she found his face.

His hands found her curls and he pulled her flush against him. They had been inseparable for months since their first night together. While his primary medium was photography, he would end up sketching her for hours as she read, spread across a blanket in their college quad.

“My brothers and I would come here often growing up. We stumbled upon it during a hunting trip with our father.” He kissed the hollow of her neck. “I actually haven’t been back here since I was teenager.”

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Caroline watched the dark cloud pass over his handsome features.

“I’m glad you brought me.” She grinned tugging at his hand towards the water. Gripping from the bottom, she pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it in the nearby grass. “Now, I know you enjoy me undressing you. But how are you going to enjoy my striptease if I have to do all the work?”

It was hours later after splashing in the lagoon and swimming under the waterfall that she coiled her legs around his waist. Her skin was red and angry from the sun, and the pads of his fingers were wrinkled as they traced patterns on her skin. She would reminiscence later that not only was this day significant, but it was also the last time he would be sober during the important moments in their life together.

“I love you, Caroline.” He had pierced her eyes and smoothed the kink in her forehead that he adored. “I love how you light up when you solve a problem and how much you ramble when you’re nervous. I love how loyal are you, and how fierce you can be. I’ve been dreadfully in love with you for months now.”

She would remember the softness of their kiss then, the promise it sealed between them.

X-x-X

2010

“I loathe surprises.”

She giggled as she removed her hands from his eyes and crawled in his lap. The lights twinkled on the Christmas tree beside them, the soft glow illuminating the dark living room. Christmas dinner with her mom has gone smoothly, even if Sheriff Forbes had grilled Klaus through all three courses. It was well past 2 in the morning, but Caroline had insisted on giving his gift now.

“But you’ll like this surprise.”

His grin never stopped being dangerous to her.

“It is you? Wrapped in nothing but a bow?” he kinked his eyebrow at her as she stretched across the floor, rooting through the boxes before finding a small one. It was wrapped in silver, a meticulous bow nestled neatly on top. The kiss she placed on his cheek lingered as the box was fitted into his awaiting hand.

Lifting the lid, he gingerly pulled out the flask that rested in the velvet outline. His initials were engraved in large cursive calligraphy on one side. Caroline helped him flip it over to the other side; a wolf etched into the metal.

“Merry Christmas, my love.”

Kissing him and the scotch that still lingered hours later along his lips, she pulled the flask from his hands, tipping it down her throat. Giggling, she looped her arms around his neck, urging his mouth down to hers once more.

“I love you.”

X-x-X

2011

Maneuvering her way through the packed gallery, Caroline passed through exhibits of landscapes and architecture before finally finding Klaus’s photos. Freshly 21, and having his own shown was a big deal, and she felt a tremendous amount of pride for all he had accomplished. She loved how stark they were; black and white portraits capturing the raw look and emotions of the people he exposed. Inching forward, her lips parted in a small gasp at the center portrait.

It was her-sun kissed at the beach; her freckles prominent on a face that was bare any make up. Her grin was infectious as the sea salt curls blew across her face. Her eyes were shining through the monotone of the picture, her hand outstretched towards the camera. That day had been wonderful with Klaus, and she had forgotten until that moment that he had even snapped a picture of her.

“I was fraught with indecision on whether to include that or not.” Klaus was beside her, slipping his arm around her waist, placing a glass in her hand. “When someone asks me why I choose it to be the centerpiece I prattle off all these technical reasons; the light seeping through the clouds, the depth of the focus, the innocence.” Turning her head, she met his eyes, noting the reverence and serenity of his expression. “When simply I’m just in awe of you.”

“Aged 7 years, my friend.”

Stefan grinned clamping down on Klaus shoulders and presented the bottle of whiskey to Klaus. He had to removed his hold from Caroline to accept the gift and she snaked her arm around his shoulders as she nursed a martini that was more gin than vermouth. Klaus happily stopped a waiter as he rounded near them, pulling off and dispersing flutes of champagne to the group. His glass was gone within moments and he was grabbing another to toast.

“To new beginnings!”

x-X-x

2012

“Oh, come on. Take a chance, Caroline.”

His dimples and his smirk were also going to be her undoing.

Picking up her drink from the craps table, she took a long gulp. The Vegas casino floor was loud and hazy. The trip there had been Caroline’s idea; a last hurrah with Bonnie and Stefan to celebrate their recent college graduation. Tailing towards the end of their time there, the week had been spent drinking and spending recklessly along the Strip.

“A kiss for good luck?” he held his knuckles up, clutching the pair of dice in his palm. “Tell you what. I roll a pair of hard eights and we get married right now.”

The air escaped her lungs.

“Wha—” she laughed pulling his hand down and giving her best serious look. “Klaus, be serious. You’re drunk.”

“I am!” He exclaimed, pulling out a small velvet bag from his jean’s pockets. Opening up the strings, he dumped the contents onto his hand and held it up for her to see. “I am drunk, yes. But I am also quite serious. This has been in my pocket since the day after you did that naughty strip tease at the Delta Psi house.”

“We’re just out of college! We’re trying to build a life—”

“Yes! Build one with me. Take a chance, love. I dare you.”

Within an hour, her face was smushed in his hands as he tugged her closer to him and kissed her. Raising his hand in a fist pump, he dipped her dramatically and kissed her once more. Stefan and Bonnie whistled and clapped from their seats as the Elvis impersonator shook their hands in congratulations. Later, she would question the hasty nuptials, miss her mother.

Caroline, flushed with happiness and tequila tossed the bouquet at Bonnie, pulling her into a hug.

“I can’t believe you’re married!” she gushed in Caroline’s ear, as Stefan popped the cork on the champagne next to them. The fizz spewed across the group as Klaus twirled Caroline back into his awaiting arms.

“Here’s to forever, love.” Klaus winked, plucking the bottle of champagne and taking a long swig before offering it to his bride.

x-X-x

2013

“There, there, love. It’s alright.”

Caroline retched once more, her exhausted body collapsing onto the arm that was supporting her. Klaus repositioned himself and gathered her hair from her shoulders as another wave of nausea rolled through her. The distinct gulp of his throat swallowing found her senses first before stench of the bourbon hit her nostrils.

“Damnit Klaus, I have to work in an few hours.”

“Here.” He put his glass in her hands and lifted it up to her lips before she could even protest. “Hair of the dog, of course. This will you get you through the day.”

The liquid was harsh on her tongue and burned on its way down her throat. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she pushed away from him, collapsing on the wall next to the toilet. Life after college ebbed and flowed in the strangest of ways. She settled into a job teaching second graders, the routine and chaotic good that was a by product of that fulfilling her days. She loved her students and the things they taught her.

On quite the opposite end of the spectrum, Klaus with his art popularity were seemingly growing at rocket speed. His photos had won awards, garnered accolated, and kept him traveling more often than not. There was a real disconnect for the first time in their relationship and Caroline struggled to find the balance and common ground.

Tonight had been a celebration of a successful showing in D.C and the first time he had been home in three weeks. She had planned for romance and intimacy, but the small dinner party she had arranged quickly evolved into old times. Stefan and Klaus playing beer pong in the garage while she and Bonnie played cheerleaders and helped with the drinking.

“What’s that saying again? Beer for liquor never sicker?” she groaned, her stomach throwing another knot. He delicately pulled into his arms, her head landing on his lap as his fingers threaded through her hair. “I’ve missed you.” She rotated to look up at him, her own hand finding the curls on his head.

“Don’t worry, love, I’m here now. I’ll whip up a delicious bloody Mary for you in the morning. All will be well.”

X-x-X

2014

“Morning.”

“Morning.” He kissed her cheek as he placed a thermos in front of her. She took a careful sip of her coffee as she watched him splash some whiskey in his mug. “Isn’t a little early for that?”

“Irish coffee?” he shrugged, taking a large gulp and topping off both the coffee and the whiskey. “Today is going to be tedious with meetings, love. This will certainly help me get through it. I made your thermos just as delightful.” He winked, drowning the rest of cup. “I know how much you loathe these pesky parent days.”

“Spiking my coffee is a romantic gesture now?” she laughed, popping the top and taking a whiff. The cream and coffee had certainly masked the aroma of alcohol. “Mhm, and my favorite, blonde pike.”

“Eat up.” Setting down a plate of a toast and egg whites, he moved to the wet bar. Caroline nibbled on her toast as he filled up his flask and dropped it in the front pocket of his messenger bag. “Don’t forget, we have dinner with my sister this evening. Drinks at the Ivy Room at 7, yeah?”

“Sure.” She wrapped her fingers around his loose tie, bringing his lips down to her. He wiped the small bit of butter off of her mouth with the pad of his thumb. She gave him one quick peck, tipping the thermos in his direction. “Thank you for the pick me up today. Coffee is so much better when you make it.”

His dimples deepened as he grinned. “It’s because I make it with love. And whiskey. But mostly love.”

X-x-X

2015

“Darling, be reasonable.”

“Reasonable?!” Caroline screeched, stumbling as she tried to removed the precarious heels on her feet. She clutched the marble of the kitchen island as she struggled to maintain her grip and balance. The fridge was opened and a bottle was pulled out, its top popped off and bouncing on the counter as she finally managed to free herself from her shoes. He took several gulps of the beer before tipping the bottle in her direction as an offering.

“No?” the bottle was back on his lips. “More for me, I suppose.”

“Klaus! Be serious for once!” her palm smacked the cool stone with a thud. “I’m just supposed to ignore what you did in the back of the gallery with Marcel?”

“Relax, Caroline.” He laughed as he set the bottle on the counter, the clink echoing in the quiet kitchen. He helped her peel her jacket from her shoulders, tossing it on the floor by their feet. Cupping her face, he kissed her roughly, nudging her back into the edge of the counter. “It just makes me feel good.”

Protests died on her lips as his hands cupped behind her and lifted her onto the counter.

“You make me feel good, love.”

A gasp fled from her chest as his fingers made his way inside her lace thong and inside her. His nose skimmed down the length of her throat and between her breasts, his fingers painting against her walls as his thumb grazed the bud of her clit. Blunt teeth hit and sank into the skin of her collarbone and she hissed in pleasure.

“Come with me.”

“Yes.” She ground down on his fingers, nearing the cusp of an orgasm. His hand curled around his hair and pulled to bring her focus to him.

“No, not yet.” Releasing her hair, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small glass vial. “I want you to come _with_ me.” He tipped the white power onto the top of her hand between her thumb and index finger, snorting it before she could even open her mouth. Sniffing and rubbing his nose, he resumed his ministrations under the skirt of her dress, kissing her harshly on her bruising lips. “Come with me, love. Come on me. Be a part of this with me.”

He repeated his previous actions with the power and her hand, guiding it as he worked her closer and closer to the edge. Releasing herself, she held down one nostril and inhaled sinking into the oblivion.

x-X-x

2016

“What?”

Caroline clutched the phone to her ear, the knuckles going white from the pressure.

“And Stefan? Oh my god.”

Bonnie’s words in her ear became garbled and further away the more she spoke. Caroline sank into the bar stool of her island counter top, the remnants of preparing dinner still spilled across the marble. While never a fan favorite, Damon had fit well enough to their group once they had all settled back into Mystic Falls. He was only a few years older than they, a respected doctor in practice with his wife’s father.

His son was her brightest student.

“Can I get you a refill, love?” Klaus sauntered into the kitchen, the melting ice clinking against the frosted glass of his tumbler. He was completely oblivious to the bombshell that had just ripped through Caroline as he poured another glass of whiskey and topped off her wine glass. In more ways than they wanted to admit, Klaus and Damon were similar. Both gregarious and boisterous, a certain draw about them.

She whispered her good byes to Bonnie, allowing the phone to clatter on the stone in front of her. Her hand clamped over her mouth as she fought against the onslaught of tears. It was only when a small and strangled sob escaped her that Klaus rounded the island and embraced her in his arms “Caroline? Hey? Tell me what’s wrong, yea?”

He was staring at her, pleading with his eyes to give some kind of reassurance. She focused on the cobalt irises then; how they could shine bright blue when he was happy, or darken to a dull grey when he was angry. Or now, how they danced a vivid cerulean and his lids peaked, a clear indication he was on the top of a delicious high.

Clutching him, she wondered when the phone call would come for her about him.

x-X-x

2017

“You’ll give it to me now, Caroline!”

“Absolutely not!”

She had memorized many looks and expressions in their years together, but this one was a look that was totally foreign to her. Weeks had accumulated into months, and now they could hardly stand more than a couple of days without some kind of argument brewing between them. The thread had already been snagged, but Damon’s death had begun an unravelling of everything they had worked towards their whole relationship.

“This is such bullocks!” he slammed his fists through the canvas nearest him, his knuckles breaking through the face with a crunch. Caroline flinched and backed away, inching towards the door of his studio. “How horrifically cliché of you to be trying your hand at sainthood in a time such as now!”

“Klaus, why don’t you take a breath—”

“Oh sod off already!” he roared, another canvas vanquished beneath his wrath. Chest heaving, he stomped his way through the studio, finding Caroline before she had a chance to escape through the door. The palm of his hand slammed into the drywall next to her head and she gasped and ducked at the impact. Forcefully, he grabbed her chin rendering her incapable motion. “Let’s try this again, shall we?”

His tone was silk and calm, a timbre to it that still made Caroline ache for him.

“You have something that belongs to me. I would very much like it back in my possession.”

“And what about me?” she sobbed, tears relentless against her cheeks as she fisted the front of his shirt in her hands. “ _I_ belong to you. _You_ belong to me! Klaus look at me!” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he turned his neck upwards to face her, a scowl etched into his handsome features. “What about me? Huh? What about me! You can’t keep doing this! You’re all over the place, you’re reckless, obsessed!”

Pushing slightly on his chest to give her some space, she fished out the small vial in her pocket that he had rampaged for and held it up to him. He had at least the grace to not snatch if from her hand.

“This is ruining you.” She whispered, promising herself that this had to be the last straw. Her brilliant husband, reduced to a thirst that would never be quenched. He reached for it, but her fingers wound it tightly in her fist. “This is ruining us. Don’t do this. Please come back to me. Please do it for me.”

His hand caressed her face, his lips found her forehead before prying the vessel from her fingers painfully and stomping out of the studio.

X-x-X

2018

Spring

“I’ve been calling you all day, Klaus!”

Even with Ray Bans perched on the bridge of his nose, she could see him rolling his eyes. Wrestling off his jacket, he tucked it on the hook by the front door. “You’re being awfully shrill for this early in the morning.”

“It’s 2 in the afternoon, Klaus.” Caroline rubbed her tired eyes dropping into the couch. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through today?”

“I’m sure to be enlightened darling.” Klaus smirked pulling out his flask and plopping into the arm chair, propping his leg over the arm.

“I got fired today.” Caroline gulped, swallowing back the host of tears that threatened to march their way down her cheeks. Klaus’s fascination with his flask barely registered a nod in her direction. “Did you hear me? I got fired!”

“It was a dreadful drag, anyway.” He retorted with a short chuckle. “How you even drudged through the day with those crotch goblins…”

“I threw up during show and tell.” She snatched the flask from him, tossing it with a bang on their hardwood floors. “That was after you turned off my alarm and I was late for work. Which was after you kept me all night on a binger.”

“Hey! You said you wanted to go to Epcot, so around the world drinking was brought to you love. Don’t pin that on me. Splendid idea, really. I did enjoy the Belgium stout.”

Caroline ran her hands through her hair in frustration. “Are you even listening to me at all?”

“Of course! We should really get sushi tonight. The hibachi place has some excellent sake.”

With a gut punch to her stomach, Caroline could see the whole world laid bare before her. She couldn’t pin point the exact moment, but her marriage, her love had devolved into a bond built on alcohol and drugs. Looking back, she didn’t even remember leaving him to his ramblings. Couldn’t remember taking a shower, packing a bag, putting a blanket over his passed-out torso.

Would only remember walking out of the door.

x-X-x

2018

Summer

“How long has he been here?”

_“Sweet Caroline! Bum bum BUMMMMMMMM! Sweet Caroline!! Reaching out! Reaching In! No, that’s not right at all. Touching YOU! Touching me! SWEET CAROLINE!!”_

Caroline swiped at the tears on her cheek, her head lolling back and resting on the hard word of the door. She had shown up on Stefan’s doorstep weeks before, easily stepping into his arms and admitting that she needed help. He had been far to kind, listening to her unravel years of seemingly harmless behavior that had accumulated into a tour de force in her life and marriage. They attended her first AA meeting that very evening. She spent the following three days on the floor of his bathroom retching and miserable in withdraws.

He would show up in her haze and confusion during those times; cajoling her with soft melodies (he never sank to her in real life), rubbing her hair, her face, offering her his ever-present flask. It took every ounce of control to keep her rooted even if she was unsure if she missed him or the alcohol more. Stefan and Bonnie had picked her up on the third day, clothes and all, and placed her in a warm shower. Had brushed out the tangles of her hair, scrubbed the mess from her skin, wrapped her in soft towel afterwards.

She had taken a job at the bar downtown and a spot of Stefan’s couch, and not a drop of alcohol since kissing Klaus’ forehead on her way out of the door. It surprised her; the muscle memory of trying to add whiskey to her coffee, of pouring a glass of wine after work, of having a beer with dinner. It was a theft that had snuck into a life and gripped itself around her.

It had only taken a few days for Klaus to show up. He drastically alternated between drunken and sobbing mess (Bourbon), to huff and puff and blow your house down wolf (Cocaine), to carefree and singing (Beer) in the weeks that followed. Her voicemail had been full by the end of the first week; pleas and beggings to return to him and their life. Remorse and empty promises to be better. Expletive laced rantings banishing her to ends of the Earth. And while she ached for her husband, her body fought and clawed for one drink, one taste to take the edge off.

“He’s going to get the cops called on him.” Stefan padded into the kitchen pouring him a cup of coffee. It had turned into his one vice as he focused on his own sobriety. Sliding down the door, he perched next to her as they continued to listen to Klaus’s drunken ramblings. “He’s horribly off key.”

Laughing, she winced as more tears sprang though.

X-x-X

2018

Fall

If she had learned anything from AA it was people tended to trade one vice (alcohol) for another to ease the transition or block the desire; refocus their energy. Caroline had always been a bit of an overachiever and had thrown herself into a host of hobbies. She could not knit to save her life. Her fingers weren’t quite deft enough to get the needle work right. The sweater she had attempted to make for Stefan had been ended up toddler sized and donated to Bonnie’s small terrier.

For a few weeks she had even attempted running on a consistent basis. Needlepoint had been abandoned after day two. Gardening had been a macabre event with dead ferns scattered across the apartment and fire escape. It was Bonnie who introduced her to cooking, and Caroline had finally found a niche that she was slowly getting the hang of.

Shifting the totes in her hands, she glanced at her watch, frowning at just how early she was for meet up with Bonnie. They had met in first grade, thick coke bottle glassed perched on her nose squinting at Caroline’s insistence that she was her new best friend. Their bond only strengthened through time; they had weathered first dates and heartaches and easily transitioned to college together as roommates. They had admittedly drifted since graduation, and Caroline assumed responsibility for the brunt of that rift.

Stefan had been through the journey, had know all the right platitudes to say, knew of the bumps and abyss she was about to fall into. It had been much easier to lean and relate to him. Bonnie had been on the outside looking in, and she had been embarrassed to admit such a weakness to the woman who had held her up for so long. But once on board, Caroline never had to ask her to for anything. Bonnie never even mentioned alcohol much less drank with her from that point forward in solidarity.

“Klaus, you cannot be here.”

Caroline froze in the doorway of her apartment, Bonnie’s words hard and final. Gentle and quietly she set the bags of food in the entryway and snuck along the wall to the entrance of the kitchen, careful to stay out of sight. She hadn’t been this close to him in over six months. The smell of his soap was still so damn intoxicating.

“Bonnie, I just need to talk to her for a few minutes.”

Cabinets banging, the water turning on, a pot slammed on the stove.

“You truly have no idea how selfish and undeserving you are right now do you?”

“Enlighten me, then.”

Snickering, but she couldn’t decipher who from.

“Last week, she got her six-month sobriety chip.” A knife could be heard chopping through and hitting the cutting board. Bonnie’s voice raised. “Six months, Klaus. Do you know have any idea how hard she fought for that? Just how strong she had to be to stay away from alcohol. To stay away from you. You use people Klaus, to get ahead or to move forward I know it’s really easy for you to deny any culpability, but you’re the villain in her story.”

“You’re being emotional, Bonnie. It’s it obvious I’m not going to give up—”

“You already have.” The words were whispered and harsh, incredulous that she even had to say them. “I know you love her. But real love is forged in strength and sacrifice but knows when to vulnerable. It’s work, it’s hard, Klaus. It’s earned. What would your selfish, small heart know about that? You won’t take this away from her. She’s worked too hard for this.”

“I can’t do this without her.”

Caroline clamped both hands, one over the other, across her mouth and pressed down in an effort to keep the sob in her chest from fleeing. She felt cored like an apple, pieces of herself fighting the urge to shrink and make room for him. She could feel the energy shift, sense the defeat and clear victor and scurried across the hall to the bathroom as he retreated from the kitchen and out the door. Several minutes later she made her appearance known in the doorway.

Bonnie continued chopping away.

X-x-X

2018

Winter

“Caroline!”

The air was frigid, but it was her names on his lips that knocked the breath from her chest. She froze, unable to move on the sidewalk as the crowd of Christmas shoppers bustled around her. It had been months since she had seen him and while he eventually stopped the drunken shows at Stefan’s door, the endless texts, voicemails, and emails flooded her phone on a consistent basis.

Tucking her scarf further into her neck, almost as a barrier, she turned to face him.

“Klaus.”

His dimples still disarming, he placed his hands on the top of her arms and kissed her cheek softly in greeting. Four months apart, and she physically had to stop her body from reacting to his touch. Her one-month and six-month sobriety chips felt heavy in the pocket of her jeans, as she gulped back a host of questions on the tip of her tongue. How easy would it be to fall into his arms, grab a drink, and start over with him?

“You look quite well.” He finally spoke, nudging them into the entryway of a closed shop and out of the crowd. It forced the space between them to shrink considerably, and a battle raged inside her. “I realize I haven’t exactly been on my best behavior lately, but I’m working to getting better.”

His statement surprised her, and she peaked up at him through her lashes. “Oh?”

“Yes,” he licked his lips in nervous energy, placing his hands in his jacket pockets. “Believe it or not, Kol has been helping me get my head on straight.”

“Klaus—”

“Caroline, come home.” His plea interrupted her protest, cutting into the chilly morning air. He continued on before she could react. “I miss you. I miss our life together. I don’t know how we got to this point, but we can fix it. We can get it back. Come hog the bed sheets again, love. Please.”

Her body burned for him, a desire to give in so prevalent that it hurt. Placing her hands on his chest, she took a breath, nearly chocking as she felt beneath is breast pocket. A familiar staple on him; much like his Henley’s or the necklaces he wore past their prime on his neck. She was then able to focus on their life together, a sharper focus than she had allowed herself in the last ten months.

There was nothing that didn’t connect to alcohol in some way. Whether it was wine at dinner, beer before bed, or mimosas at brunch, it was an ever-present force in their lives. She had taken her first drink at fifteen, was a pro at mixing vodka drinks by the time graduation rolled around, and as her relationship with Klaus deepened so did the dependency to alcohol. She loved him so deeply, but he wasn’t good for her.

“No,” she smiled sadly, swiftly reaching into his coat and pulling out the flask she had given him all those years ago. A small gasp fell from his lips, but he couldn’t muster the energy for an excuse. Her fingers traced the wolf’s intricacies and the various dents it had received through its journey. “You know it was selfish to ask you to give this up for me. You have to want it for yourself. Marriages don’t break apart Klaus; people do. This is just collateral damage. I can’t heal what’s fractured inside of you. I forgive you. I _love_ you, but I’m walking away from you.”

“You can’t just—”

“Pour it out.” She pushed the flash into his chest, a dare and a treat spilling from her words. The world moved around in a hurried pace, but time in all its brevity slowed between them.

“I love you more than anyone should be allowed to—”

“Pour it out.”

“Caroline—”

“I’m done, Klaus.”

The words fell heavy around them, the snow lightly dusting in flurries.

“Sophomore year of high school.” He whispered, a melancholy smile gracing his features. He captured the curl by her face, tucking it behind her ear. “You had been a pain in my ass for years by then Forbes. I was enamored with you, though. You have so much strength inside of you. You showed up to one of my parties, I saw you admiring one of my paintings in the hallway. I wanted you then, so much. I waited so long to be with you after that, just biding my time until it was right.”

He kissed her forehead, his hands cupping her rosy and wet cheeks, his lips lingering too long. “Wait for me now, sweetheart. Please. I’ll find you again.”

x-X-x

Present

Blowing out her breath, Caroline rested against the door, allowing it to quietly shut behind her. Running late was a huge pet peeve of hers but being late to a meeting was something that was not only an annoyance but a huge embarrassment. Pulling off her gloves and shaking her hat of the snow, she carefully slipped off her heels, tip toeing her in stockings down the darkened hall. While she didn’t need the frequency of meeting quite as much anymore, they were still a comfort she participated in at least once a week.

She couldn’t say that life had balanced itself just yet, but she felt for the first time in a long time that it was on the right track. Teaching was never going to be in the cards again for her, and she had made peace with that a while ago. Her mother had waved and beamed with pride as she received her one-year chip the previous month, and for Caroline, for now that was enough.

Thankfully, the door to the gym was propped open and Caroline was able to slip in and sink into a chair in the back row virtually undetected. She tucked her briefcase under her seat, the weight of its contents heavy in her hands. The meeting she had with a lawyer the previous day gave her all the information she needed to file for divorce, once and for all. Her life had been placed on hold long enough.

“Hello, my name is Nik and I’m an alcoholic.”

Her heart knocked wildly in her chest as he cleared his throat, his voice full of silk and honey.

“And an addict.”

The chorus of the group thrummed in her ears as she buried and tried to make herself as small as possible.

“It rather fells like Sunday school, when my mother would make us to go confession.” He ran his fingers through the curls that were entirely too long. “I uh, haven’t had a drink in,” his eyebrows knitted in thought. “…sixty-eight days, this time. It’s my third go round at this and I’m afraid I still haven’t gotten the hang of it. I wish I could tell you that it was inspiring or eye opening or profound.”

Caroline swallowed the lump in her throat.

“It’s been retched.” He deadpanned. “I could blame my parents; after all, I knew how to make a proper scotch for my father before I had even made it out of grade school. My siblings and I were left up to our own devices more often than not.” He licked his lips, a sheen of tears in his eyes. “When I was sixteen, my baby brother passed away. Every fall we went hunting with our father and we decided to go out on our own. It was a terrible accident, and the blame rests squarely on my shoulders. I’ve never been able to forgive myself for this sin.”

Not once in their whole relationship had Klaus talked about his brother. She knew the story, of course it had been a big deal when they were in high school but he never divulged past that general knowledge. The scars had run deeper than she had imagined. It was no wonder the fissure inside of him and between them grew wider with time.

“I fell in love.” He continued, taking a shaky sip of the coffee resting on the podium. Caroline couldn’t breathe. “How dreadful that was.” He chuckled to himself, a ghost of a memory sweeping over his face. “No, actually she was quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. I thrived with her around. She made me stronger, and lighter; I was invincible.” He ran a hand over his tired face. She didn’t think she had ever seen him so embattled with himself.

“Success came quickly and in abundance. The world and time moved fast, and it was all I could do to catch up.” His hold on the podium hardened as he searched for the words. “Alcohol had always been there, but I needed more. I was never sated.” His voice cracked as he continued. “Then the world stopped. My wife left and while I wish that had been enough. I keep chasing—chasing her, the next high, this arbitrary mountain I was trying to conquer.

“Often I wonder what the world would have been like if my brother had lived.” He gulped, a single tear sliding down his cheek. “What then would have driven me to strive so hard to push myself to this, this precipice? What drive inside me would have taken over if not for the search of this absolution that would never come?” he sniffled, swiping away at the rogue tears. “Its easy to take comfort in the what ifs and if only’s. But I can only atone for what and who I am now. I am an addict. And I am trying.”

Caroline blinked, burying her face in the palms, trying desperately to hold back the sobs crawling their way from her chest. Taking a breath, she looked up, locking eyes with him at the front of the room, a gentle bob of her head in acknowledgement. It was as if, she was being introduced to her husband for the first time.

x-X-x

Caroline gave a tight light smile, her shoulder resting against the wall as he made his way towards her. The meeting had seemingly dragged on, Klaus only a few short rows ahead of her. Every so often he would take a furtive glance to assuage any worry that she was gone, squaring up his shoulders as he returned his focus to the front. She had wrestled with herself the whole time; an urge to run, the desire to stay, the defeat of everything over the past year.

“I wasn’t expecting—”

“I’m sorry—”

Klaus let out a gruff snicker and motioned for her to continue. They were nestled into a far corner of the gym, where she had watched him shuffle through thoughts and prayers, shaking hands, and thanking the vast majority of the group. The physical relief on his face at finally seeing her, was as if a drowning man found air.

“That was a big deal; I mean, up there.”

“I uh,” he tugged at the necklaces on his neck. “I’m sorry. Stefan told me your night were Wednesdays. I just assumed—”

She gasped, softly. “You know when I come to my meetings?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was pressuring you or trying to coral you into a corner. So, I came on nights I anticipated you wouldn’t be here.” Her eyebrows furrowed on her head. “Not that I didn’t want to see you! I’m thrilled to always see you, love.”

“I’m proud of you.” She interrupted his ramblings with a soft hand on his arm. “Honestly, its remarkably hard. Yes, I’m usually here on Wednesdays but I had an event last night and another one tomorrow…”

“Event?”

She grinned with hesitant pride. “Yea. Bonnie connected me with this event planner who needed a PA. Its been a lot of grunt work but she’s giving me a bit of a trail run at being an actual planner. It’s actually going great?"

"Well, you’re bloody brilliant in everything you set your mind to. That’s really wonderful, Caroline.”

“You always did make me feel like I was great.”

“You are spectacular.” He praised, licking his lips in trepidation. “You know I really was invincible.” He told her candidly. His fingers twitched beside his hip, an ache to touch her. “I thought _we_ were. I’ll never be about to show you how sorry I am for what I’ve done to you.”

Caroline wrapped her hand around his, the relief of the gesture evident as his whole body relaxed. “You didn’t do this to me.” His head bowed in shame and she placed her free palm on his cheek to make him look at her. “We enabled each other, yes. But you did not do this to me. We wont ever forget what this has done to us, how we broke our marriage.”

He considered her words, settling on brushing his lips across the knuckles on their joined hands.

“We don’t forget that.” He moved their fist to his chest, bringing her closer to him in the process. “But we have to forgive ourselves, and each other. We can do this, love.”

“We never really knew each other, did we?” she exhaled, the grip he had on her hand lessening infinitesimally, the space opening up between them. He snapped up as the fervor of her grasp tightened, bringing him back even closer to her. “We didn’t know the in between parts; the parts of me I was afraid to lay bare, and the worst parts of you that you couldn’t share.”

“I am yours.” He hummed in her ear as his cheek pressed against her. “You are mine.”

Resentful of the small space between them that their hands presented, Caroline released it and caged her arms around his torso. Burying her head in the crook of his shoulder, he clung to her; a fire starved of oxygen. Later, she would wouldn’t remember how long they stayed locked in their embrace, the scruff of his beard harsh and inviting against the skin of her cheek.

Once the world came back into focus, she gestured towards the exit.

“Do you want to go grab some food?”

He nodded. “Coffee is right awful here isn’t it?”

“Not quite as good as my husband used to make it.”

He smiled, the first glimpse of his dimples showing. “I have it on excellent authority, the secret ingredient is love.”


End file.
